


Alone I Seem to Break

by theJadePixie



Category: Tenkuu no Escaflowne | The Vision of Escaflowne
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Betrayal, Character Development, Complicated Relationships, Continuation, Depression, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fate, High School, Mental Anguish, Post-Canon, Rating May Change, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-21
Packaged: 2021-03-21 17:48:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30025551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theJadePixie/pseuds/theJadePixie
Summary: Nearly 2 years had passed since the Destiny War. Hitomi's life is tragically turned upside down one fateful night. Having lost all she holds dear, she struggles to keep the shattered pieces of her life together. But what's a girl to do when a certain silver haired ghost of her past waltzes into her life?





	1. Pain Inside

**Author's Note:**

> This is a rewrite of my old fanfic from nearly 20yrs ago that I had posted on Fanfiction.net under the title of "Alone I Stand". Since it's been many years since I have done any creative writing, I wanted to ease back into it by reworking one of my fav fics I posted. This new rendition has been a roller-coaster of an experience and I'm loving re-envisioning that story. I realized in the original I took a lot of short cuts and there were a lot of OOC moments, so I needed to remedy that.

Disclaimer: I do not own Escaflowne. 

_ Realize that I've lost control, impulses keep flashing through my head _

_ I'm on the outside _

__

_ Take up all my life inside, why would I let them make up my mind _

_ And be mislead _

_ Go ahead make up your mind _

_ I have had enough of who they want _

_ Leave me alone _

__

_ This pain inside I can't understand _

_ This hate in life that will not go away (Go away) _

__

_ Go ahead make up your mind _

_ I have had enough of who they want _

_ Leave me alone _

_ Realize that I've lost control, impulses keep flashing through my head _

_ I'm on the outside _

__

_ This pain inside I can't understand _

_ This hate in life that will not go away (Go away) _

_ This pain inside I can not live with it _

_ It feels like no one really understands _

__

_ It's always killing me (Killing me) _

_ The problems I face daily _

_ It's always things that I have always take in vain _

_ I'm sick of you judging me _

_ I'm sick of you judging me _

_ I'm sick of you judging me _

__

_ This pain inside I can't understand _

_ This hate in life that will not go away (Go away) _

_ This pain inside I can not live with it _

_ It feels like no one really understands _

__

_ It's always killing me _

_ The problems I face daily _

_ by Adema _

**Chapter 1: Pain Inside**

It had been nearly two painfully long years since Hitomi had been swept away to Gaea, an enchanting world most people would only believe existed in their dreams. It had been difficult to let go of the fantastical world, of the people she met and the dear friends she had made. There was no truly getting over what she had experienced there. All the trial and tribulations she endured had forever changed her, whether she wanted to fully admit it or not. However as much as she longed to return to that magical world, Hitomi needed to focus on her present and not dwell on the past.

After Hitomi had returned from Gaea, she had found it difficult to return to her normal life. What even was normal now? Her mind constantly wandered back to reminiscing about her experiences on Gaea. All her thoughts however always ended up at the same question, did she make the right decision? Was leaving Gaea the best choice for her? Would it have really been so bad if she had of just stayed there, stayed with Van?

She had thought, at the time, it was the best decision for her. She was only 15 and wasn’t about ready to give up her family forever.  _ If I only knew then what would happen…I would have… _ Hitomi thought sorrowfully to herself. Her emerald eyes gazed over the photo album that she had accidentally knocked off her desk as she was tidying up her school books.

She knelt down to pick up, her hands trembling as the memories of the past year flooded her mind. It felt like only yesterday that her world came crumbling apart. It had only been a few months since the accident, but the wounds still felt fresh. Through tear filled eyes, she stared at one of the last photos she had taken with her family. It had only been taken the previous summer when they had attended the Tanabata Festival, as they did every year. 

She clutched the album close to her chest as her tears spilled down her checks in steady streams. she tried with all her might to hold back her anguish, but it was proving to be a task beyond her strength. She let out the sobs she had bottled up for so long.

Like an unwanted guest, the memories of that fateful burst to the forefront of her mind, forcing the broken shell of a girl to relive all the pain. 

It had been a typical winters eve and Hitomi was alone in her bedroom trying to study for her upcoming midterms. She had long accepted that she wasn’t as academically gifted as her younger brother Mamoru was proving to be. She longed for warmer days where she could throw on her running shoes and hit the track. To let the wind blow through her short, sandy blonde hair and carry away all her thoughts and worries. Running on the track was the only place where she found true peace. 

However, it was much too cold to be going for impromptu runs. Not to mention, running wasn’t going to help with passing her exams. Hitomi sighed loudly as she tapped her pencil on her notebook to the beat of the music coming from her earphones. She needed to focus, but her mind continued to wander back to Gaea.  _ I should have went with them, _ she thought to herself as she leaned back in her chair. Her family had left for the evening, visiting with relatives as it was getting close to that wonderful time of year. Hitomi wanted to go, she hadn’t seen her cousin’s in what felt like years. However, she knew she needed to desperately study. She was barely passing chemistry as it was and knew she had to pass her midterm exam. She couldn’t bear the thought of telling her parents that she had failed. Failure would have resulted in no more track and field, and Hitomi wasn’t about to give that up.

It was almost ten o'clock and there was still no sign of her family. Hitomi didn't seem all too worried or concerned. Their aunt had often made it impossible to leave on time. She always seemed to have a knack for delaying their departure. Hitomi closed her books, giving in to her mental exhaustion. She had determined her mind had reached its capacity. She stretched her arms over her head and let out a long needed yawn. Sluggishly, she rose from her seat and proceeded to get ready for bed. She told herself that by the time she was done her parents would be walking through the door, bearing trays of assorted cookies courtesy of her aunt. 

After she was changed, and was just beginning to turn down her comforter, her eyes caught a glimpse of the time. It had just turned eleven, much too late for her family to still not be home. She walked over to the window, pulling open the curtain. Hitomi felt a tinge of worry pull at her when she saw that their driveway was still empty. She picked up her phone from her desk, unlocking it to see if there were any missed texts. If anything had come up, she knew she could always count on Mamoru to send her a message. But no such text existed.

She sat down on the edge of her bed before sending a text to her brother, “Hey, what’s the hold up? Is Oba-san retelling one of her stories again?” She fidgeted as she waited for a response. The message had been successfully delivered but remained unread. She sent another text, “Mamoru???” and then another, “Where are you guys?” she bit her lip, her intuition was telling her something was terribly wrong.

Just as she was about to call, she saw an incoming phone call. It was from her brother! She felt a wave of relief wash over her. She pressed the answer button on the screen, bringing the phone up to her ear, “Mamoru! I was just about to call-”

She was abruptly cut off by a voice that didn’t belong to her younger brother, “Is this Kanzaki Hitomi?” the strange man’s voice asked.

“Y-yes.” She answered promptly. “Who is this? Where is Mamoru?” she demanded.

"This is Junsa-buchō Nakamura. I'm afraid I have some unfortunate news…" Time seemed to come to a halt. The police officer’s voice echoed through her head as he informed her of some grave news. 

There had been an accident. She had tuned out most of the details, instead focusing on the devastating information that had been unloaded. Her mother had been killed on impact. Her father died en route to the hospital. Only her brother was left still alive, however in critical condition. After she hung up her phone, she moved in a trance-like state. Her primary focus was to get to the hospital as quick as possible. Not bothering to change out of her pajamas, she simply threw on a warm coat and her running shoes. There was no point to call for a cab or bother with taking the bus. She knew she could get to the hospital faster if she just ran, and ran she did.  _ Hold on Mamoru! I’m coming! _ Her mind cried out.

When she had finally arrived at the hospital, she ran up to the reception desk and struggled to find her voice. She had run so hard, that for once she was completely out of breath. Something she wasn’t particularly used to feeling. She managed to blurt out a few incoherent words confusing the poor receptionist, but a nearby nurse overheard and knew exactly where Hitomi needed to be.

The nurse ushered Hitomi into an empty and secluded sitting room, telling her to take a seat and wait for the attending doctor to explain the situation. Sitting wouldn’t an option for Hitomi, adrenaline was coursing through her veins. Instead she paced and a forth until the doctor arrived. The grim look on his face had said it all. She didn’t need to hear his words, but he said them anyways. He told her it was highly unlikely that Mamoru would survive the night. His injuries were so severe, only a divine miracle could save Mamoru’s life. Hitomi took a few deep breaths to steady herself, wiping away her free flowing tears. This couldn’t be happening, she told herself.

"I am deeply sorry Kanzaki-san…" The doctor spoke kindly, bowing his head in despair. He then led Hitomi to the room where her brother was currently staying. Blood stained through the bandages wrapped around his head and limbs. She could barely look at her little brother without sobbing. The two attending nurses looked at eachother, and without saying a word left the room, leaving the siblings alone.

"Hi…to…mi…" Mamoru spoke in a soft whisper. "It…it hurts…make it stop…" his voice trembled. 

"Mamoru…" Hitomi gazed at her brother in disbelief. She wasn’t ready to accept her brother’s fate. He was still so young, having only just begun junior high earlier that year. "Don't worry, it'll be okay." She tried to sound reassuring, she couldn't bear the thought of telling him he wasn't going to live.

"You're lying…I heard them…I know…" a sob escaped Hitomi's lips. She shut her eyes tightly and grasped his hand, still moist with his blood. "I'll…I'll miss you ‘tomi…" she shook her head. She didn’t want to believe the words coming from his lips.

"You can't die!” she cried out, “I won't let you! I need you…" her voice began to break, her emotions beginning to get the better of her. 

"Hitomi… I love you…" Mamoru took a final breath as his hazel eyes slowly began to close. The monitors that he had been hooked up to began to beep in a symphony of noise, declaring the little boy’s life had ceased.

Hitomi shook her head no and fell to her knees sobbing uncontrollably.  _ This isn’t happening, _ she told herself, still clutching her brother’s now limp hand. In one foul swoop, she had lost everything in one night. Fate had dealt her sorrowful hand. She was alone, all alone.

Hitomi was brought back to her present state as the sound of the glass wind chime in her window. She slowly rose to her feet, carefully placing the photo album down on her desk. She gently closed it, wiping away some stray tears that still lingered. She made her way over to the open window, her feet feeling heavy like lead. She had dragged her chair with her, taking a seat so she could gaze up at the clear night sky. Her bloodshot eyes strained as she tried with all her might to find Gaea. 

Many times she had attempted to return to Gaea, but to no avail. She could only think of Gaea as her true home and wondering why she left in the first place. It seemed to her that it didn't matter if she stayed on Gaea or not, one way or another she was bound to lose her family. Fate had seen to that. Perhaps this was her punishment for leaving. Perhaps she was meant to stay on Gaea, that she was still needed there. But her choice to leave, to selfishly choose her family cost them their lives.

"Oh Van…” she sighed, “Please…please save me…" she pleaded. No matter how many times she said it, he never answered.

Her emerald green eyes drifted from the starlit sky to her alarm clock which read two am. She took one last look at the sky before getting up, hoping maybe she’d catch a glimpse of the magical world she longed to call home.

A/N: Well, this was certainly an adventure to write! I honestly can’t believe how terrible the original draft of this chapter was. But I suppose that was nearly 20 years ago. Oh lordy, I feel incredibly old now! Well, I hope you enjoyed this rewrite. I definitely enjoyed completely rewriting it! 


	2. By Myself

_ What do I do to ignore them behind me? _

_ Do I follow my instincts blindly? _

_ Do I hide my pride / from these bad dreams _

_ And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening? _

_ Do I / sit here and try to stand it? _

_ Or do I / try to catch them red – handed? _

_ Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness, _

_ Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness? _

_ Because I can't hold on / when I'm stretched so thin _

_ I make the right moves but I'm lost within _

_ I put on my daily façade but then _

_ I just end up getting hurt again _

_ By myself myself _

_ I ask why, but in my mind _

_ I find I can't rely on myself _

_ chorus: _

_ I can't hold on _

_ To what I want when I'm stretched so thin _

_ It's all too much to take in _

_ I can't hold on _

_ To anything watching everything spin _

_ With thoughts of failure sinking in _

_ If I _

_ Turn my back I'm defenseless _

_ And to go blindly seems senseless _

_ If I hide my pride and let it all go on / then they'll _

_ Take from me 'till everything is gone _

_ If I let them go I'll be outdone _

_ But if I try to catch them I'll be outrun _

_ If I'm killed by the questions like a cancer _

_ Then I'll be buried in the silence of the answer _

_ by myself _

_ How do you think / I've lost so much _

_ I'm so afraid / I'm out of touch _

_ How do you expect / I will know what to do _

_ When all I know / Is what you tell me to _

_ Don't you know _

_ I can't tell you how to make it go _

_ No matter what I do, how hard I try _

_ I can't seem to convince myself why _

_ I'm stuck on the outside _

__

_ By Myself By Linkin Park _

**Chapter 2: By Myself**

The annoying buzz of the alarm clock by the bedside awoke Hitomi with a jolt from her blissful dreams; pulling her into the harsh world of reality. She slammed the palm of her hand on the clock until the irritating buzzing ceased. Groggily she rolled over onto her back, laying sprawled out in defeat. She wasn’t ready for morning to come. She was having the most splendid dream.

She had dreamed she was back in Gaea once again. She had found herself walking through a field of tall grass and wildflowers. A warm gentle breeze ruffled the tresses of short hair. She closed her eyes and stretched out her arms, embracing the familiar scents. The air was crisp and refreshing, not tainted by the pollution of her home back on the Mystic Moon. “Hitomi…” her emerald eyes snapped open at the sound of Van whispering her name into her ear. She could feel his body pressed up against from behind. His well toned arms find their way around her waist, pulling her into a tight embrace.

A gentle smile crept to her lips. She felt safe in his embrace. “Van…I’ve missed you…”she answered back. Feeling him rest his head on her shoulder, Hitomi turned her head to place a gentle kiss on his cheek.

“You can stay here,” he told her, “Stay with me, Hitomi….” he had loosened his grip, enabling him to turn her body so that they were facing each other. She gazed up into his warm, mahogany eyes. How could she leave him? She closed her eyes, and let herself fall into his arms.

“Don’t let me go, please don’t let me go,” she had begged and pleaded.

But she would have to be the one to let go. She had to wake up. She couldn’t very well live out her days in her dreams. She had a life to live, or so she told herself.

Hitomi pushed away her blankets and threw her legs over the edge of the bed. She let out another yawn. She stared down at her feet, trying to find the motivation to get up. It would be much easier to just lay back down and go to sleep, her mind try to reason. She glanced at her pillow, it looked so inviting, calling her back to the land of dreams. She shook her head,  _ no _ , she told herself,  _ I have things to do _ .

She forced herself to stand, stretching out her arms and legs as she did so. Despite all the sleep she tended to get, she never truly felt rested. If she wasn’t dreaming about Gaea, she dreamed of that terrible night. Although it had been four months since the accident that had claimed her family, the pain was still fresh. 

Before leaving her bedroom, Hitomi grabbed the short blue, silk housecoat she had left on her chair. As she made her way down the stairs, she slipped on the housecoat, not bothering to tie it closed. That would have required more energy that she did not feel she had. She glanced at the calendar, noting that it was indeed Saturday. 

Days were more or less a blur to her. Without her parents going through their weekly routines, Hitomi found it difficult to track the days. She went through her typical Saturday morning routine. She reminisced about the old days, Saturday mornings usually consisted of her waking to the smell of breakfast being prepared by her mother, and the wafting of the freshly brewed coffee her father enjoyed. Instead now she found herself in an empty kitchen devoid of the typical activity it was use to.

Hitomi made her way over to the kettle she had left out the night before, filled it with fresh water and brought it to a boil. She wasn’t as skilled as her mother had been in the kitchen, so she resided herself to simpler meals. That morning it would be a few slices of lightly buttered toast accompanied by a cup of green tea. It wasn’t the most filling meal, but it would suffice.

After she had finished with her sad excuse for a meal, she cleaned up her dishes before making her way back to her bedroom. She opened her dresser drawers, trying to find something to wear. She didn’t care much for the latest fashions like her friends did. She preferred simple styles, particularly if she could pair them with some running shoes. She decided on a pair of two-toned grey leggings for her bottoms. If she needed or felt the urge to run, they wouldn’t slow her down like jeans.

For her top, she contemplated for some time. Although spring was in the air, Hitomi still didn’t feel completely comfortable wearing bright colours. She knew one day she would, but her heart was still heavy with sorrow. She made her way to her closet, pushing aside all her brightly colour tops. She looked over what she had left, and found just what she needed. It was a plain black top, made of a lightweight material. It was loose fitting and would serve it’s purpose.

Hitomi made her way to the living room where she proceeded to tidy up. The room wasn’t used nearly as much, other than as a place for her to drop off her school bag or her gym bag from track practice. It wasn’t too long after she had finished putting away her things that the doorbell chimed. She took a quick glance at her watch and wondered how time had passed so quickly. She was expecting guests, but figured she had more time.

The bell chimed once again, “Coming!” Hitomi called out as she hurried down the hallway. She paused briefly as she passed the mirror in the entryway, ensuring her hair wasn’t a complete mess. Satisfied with her appearance, she opened the door and invited her guests in. A small smile graced to her lips as she looked at the two young girls before her.

"Please come in,” she greeted her cousins, Masumi and Emiko. Hitomi invited them in and showed them to the living room. "It seems like forever since I last saw the both of you." Although Masumi was the elder of the two sisters, she was still some years younger than Hitomi. "I can still remember when you were just knee high Masumi." 

Hitomi reminisced, remembering the days she used to babysit the sisters when she was still only in junior high.  _ It seems like a lifetime ago now _ , she thought sadly to herself. The sisters had both grown and changed since then. How long had it really been, she wondered, at least four or maybe five years she guessed.

“Looks like I'm finally catching up now!" Masumi replied with a grin. She wasn’t quite as tall as Hitomi yet, still only standing a half foot shorter.

"Hardly," Hitomi laughed, as she too had experienced a bit of a growth spurt in the last two years. She had shot up a few inches since her freshman year of high school, much to her relief. Hitomi had worried she was doomed to inherit her mother’s genes and would have stopped growing once she reached 5’4”. She had easily surpassed that height to stand proudly at 5’7”. 

Hitomi gestured for the girls to take a seat around the kotatsu, “How old are you now?” she inquired. Her mind had been too distracted to do the mental math needed to figure out their age gap.

"This August I’ll be thirteen." Masumi answered promptly and proudly. 

"Thirteen already!?” Hitomi exclaimed, “I can still remember when you were just turning five...you demanded to have a Super Sentai themed party." a deep red blush crept to Masumi’s cheeks. She felt embarrassed and mortified that her cousin had remembered that phase of her childhood. Emiko giggled with delight upon learning her older sister’s guilty please. She made a mental note to tease her later on about it. 

Detecting Masumi’s embarrassment, Hitomi took the opportunity to change the topic, "So, how's school going?" she inquired.

"It’s going well, but I miss elementary school… junior high is way more difficult than I was expecting.” she let out a heavy sigh. “We had way less homework and I miss my old Sensei. She was so much nicer!” Hitomi suppressed a laugh, she didn’t want to break the news just yet that school only continues to get more difficult.

The cousins continued to get caught up. It had dawn on Hitomi that the last time she saw them was at the funeral. She couldn’t even remember if she had even spoken to them. That day had been a complete blur to her. She couldn't remember anyone’s name or face. Her version of conversation had been simple yes or no answers. 

Hitomi shook off the memories of that day. She wasn’t about to let her emotions get the best of her. She took a deep, calming breath and forced a smile. As long as she pretended to be happy, no one would ask her to talk about her problems. She didn’t want to burden them with her own pain. 

In an effort to distract herself, Hitomi got up and went to the kitchen. She brought out a plate containing a colourful assortment of mochi. She had also offered them some matcha, which Masumi gladly accepted. Emiko kindly declined the offer, she hadn’t yet developed a taste for it. 

After they consumed the snacks provided, the three girls decided to go for a walk around the neighborhood to meet up with Masumi and Emiko's parents. Their parent’s had initially dropped them off at their cousin’s home so that they could run some errands nearby in peace. 

"Okaa-san!" Emiko shouted excitedly when she spotted her parents. She wildly waved her hand at them, who casually waved back while they continued their conversation with one of Hitomi’s neighbours.

"Are you guys done yet?” Masumi asked, “I’m supposed to be meeting Yukiko and Azumi at the movies soon, remember?" she complained.

"Yes yes, we're done.” her father chided. “I suppose we should be going, dear," he said as he turned to look at his wife who rolled her eyes in annoyance. She was in the middle of catching up with an old friend. 

“Alright, alright.” She sighed in defeat. “ Come on girls,” she began to make her way towards their parked vehicle. 

"Hitomi, do you have a second?" He asked of his niece, who nodded in response. He reached into the inside pocket of his blazer, pulling out an envelope. “Here, take this as a thank you for today.” he handed Hitomi the envelope, inclining his head slightly. 

"You really don't have to pay me, oji-san." Hitomi said, hesitant to accept the envelope.

"No, I insist." Hitomi looked at the plain white envelope, knowing full well it would contain more money than she probably deserved for watching her cousins. She relented and took hold of the envelope. 

"Thank you, oji-san."

"It’s not a problem, Hitomi. I know that you're going through a hard time. Please, spoil yourself with it." Hitomi smiled graciously at him and thanked him again for his kindness.

Masumi and the rest of her family left and Hitomi was once again alone. She sighed and began to walk back to her home, opting for the more scenic route. It wasn’t like she was in a hurry. There wouldn’t be anyone awaiting her return. Not only that, but she needed time to clear her mind. Seeing her relatives and how happy her cousins’ were just added to her sorrowful mood. 

She was determined not to think about her family but how could she not? Everyone around her had one; no one was alone like here.  _ Van…I wish you were here… _ her gaze wandered up to the clear blue sky, wistfully searching for any signs of Gaea.  _ You know what it's like to be alone, Van... to have no family…  _ She clenched her hands into fists,  _ damn it Van! Why is when I need you the most you're not here! _ She snapped her eyes closed, feeling the stinging of her tears begin to well up. A few tears escaped her eyelids, smoothly sliding down her cheeks. 

She wiped away her tears and continued to walk at a slow, but steady pace. Her eyes drifted from the ground to the sky and back again. She looked to find something to distract her mind, to stop her from dwelling on her loss. Her head hung low under the imagined weight of her inner turmoil. She could feel her mind pulling her back into the never ending cycle or pain and sorrow. She knew she would have to pick up her pace, lest she wanted to become a sobbing mess in public.

However, a strange thing occurred. Fate apparently had different plans for Hitomi that day. She was snapped out of her thoughts at the sound of tires screeching to a halt next to her. Her eyes came to gander at the sleek red and black sports car before her. She stood there, still startled by its abrupt appearance. 

When the driver’s door opened, Hitomi felt her body completely freeze in place. She knew this person.  _ But how could they be… _ her mind trailed off as it tried desperately to rationalize the scene unfolding before her. It couldn’t be real, it had to be some sort of an illusion or hallucination.  _ He can’t be real… he can’t be here… he can’t… _

Finding what little strength she had, Hitomi took a step backwards, her body involuntarily trembling in fear. She shook her head no, her mind still in denial as her eyes remained transfixed on the man before her. 

"Well, well, well…what a pleasant surprise to finally find you, Hitomi." His voice was smooth and dripped with venom. He was very pleased to finally find the wretched witch who had cost him so much suffering. Hitomi’s lips parted, but she was at a loss for words. Her mind raced, thinking desperately how to get away. She could run, but her legs didn’t seem to want to move. "I must say you've been quite the mouse to chase.” He took a step toward her, narrowing the already small distance. “You should be proud of yourself for eluding me for so long.” his lips curled into a smirk. Oh he had been waiting for so long to inflict his terror on the witch from the Mystic Moon.

"W-what…how-?" Hitomi managed to stammer out.

"What's the matter? You look like you've seen a ghost, Hitomi." He sneered as he took another step towards her. 

"But you're…” her voice trailed off, not sure what to say exactly. There were so many thoughts and scenarios rushing through her mind. Where to even begin, she wondered. “What… What did you do to her!?" She finally demanded from the dominating man before her.

"Oh Celena?” He raised a brow, “She's fine. She still has that pansy ass knight taking care of her." 

With great determination and gathering every ounce of courage she had, Hitomi brought her eyes to finally meet with the crimson red eyes that looked down on her. "What do you want, Dilandau?" she defiantly demanded.


	3. The Trick is to Keep Breathing

_She's not the kind of girl_

_Who likes to tell the world_

_About the way she feels about herself_

_She takes a little time in making up her mind_

_She doesn't want to fight against the tide_

_And lately I'm not the only one_

_I say never trust anyone_

_Always the one who has to drag her down_

_Maybe you'll get what you want this time around_

_Can't bear to face the truth_

_So sick he cannot move_

_And when it hurts he takes it out on you_

_And lately I'm not the only one_

_I say never trust anyone_

_Always the one who has to drag her down_

_Maybe you'll get what you want this time around_

_The trick is to keep breathing x2_

_She knows the human heart_

_And how to read the stars_

_Now everything's about to fall apart_

_I won't be the one who's going to let you down_

_Maybe you'll get what you want this time around_

_I won't be the one who's going to let you down_

_Maybe you'll get what you want this time around_

_The trick is to keep breathing x7_

_By Garbage_

**Chapter3: The trick is to keep breathing**

"What do you want, Dilandau?" Hitomi had spat out his name in disgust. A menacing grin came to his lips at the question. He took another powerful step forward so that he towered over the young woman. "Well? What is it? I don't have all day." her eyes narrowed as she placed her hands firmly on her hips, hoping to distract him from the fear she so clearly felt.

"Sure you do Hitomi." he answered, his eyes pierced through her. The crimson pools of his blood red eyes made her feel weak and inferior. 

She had to stand her ground. She couldn’t let him know just how terrified she actually felt. "Just answer the damn question!" Hitomi huffed, trying her best to sound annoyed. 

"It's simple really.” he began, “I am here to exact my revenge on you.” his eyes narrowed, although it had been years since their last encounter, he knew she was the sole reason why he had lost everything. “I want nothing more than to watch you suffer as I have suffered. I want you to hear you beg for me to end your pathetic life.” 

Without thinking, Hitomi let out a chuckle. _Oh that is rich!_ She thought to herself. _If he only knew..._

Dilandau felt his left eye twitch as he watched her burst into a fit of laughter. Did she not think he was serious? Did she not remember who he was? He was Dilandau Albatou! He was to be feared! Not to be laughed at! "What's so funny?" He demanded in a snarl. 

"I’ll save you the trouble.” She stood proud, lifting her chin, “Go ahead and kill me now.” Dilandau was taken back at her declaration. This did not fit into his grand revenge plan. He had spent the better part of the past year carefully plotting his every move. She wasn't supposed to be embracing death but rather fearing it. "Better yet,” her voice pulled him from his thoughts, “I'll just go kill myself for you to save you the trouble." 

His eyes searched her own, trying to figure out what had suddenly changed. "W-what?" he stuttered in disbelief. 

"Now, if you don't mind,” she brushed past him, “I have some self-pitying to do back home." With an air of confidence, Hitomi continued walking away from him and towards her home refusing to look back. _He’s not real, he’s not real, he’s not real,_ she repeated over and over in her mind. It became her mantra that was holding her together. As long as she could convince herself he wasn’t really there, she would be safe. 

As she reached into her pocket, pulling out her house keys, a firm hand grabbed her by the shoulder and spun her around. She rolled her eyes and turned back to the door. "Could you please just leave me alone!?" she shouted at him while she fumbled with her keys.

"You're not supposed to be like this." Dilandau growled. His plans, his glorious plans were all for naught! He had dreamed of their encounter and relished the fear he imagined she would feel. Oh all the terrible things he wanted to do to her. Now he was being denied his prize. 

Hitomi spun around to face him. To say she looked less than pleased would be an understatement. Her normally calm and tranquil eyes burned with fury. She was angry and infuriated, something she hadn’t felt in a long time. For a moment, she felt refreshed. It was oddly nice to not feel pitiful for once.

"You know, you're right. I'm not.” she snapped at him. “I'm supposed to be happy. I'm supposed to be out having fun. But-" she stopped herself. What was the point in telling that psychotic pyromaniac her problems? He wouldn't care in the least bit.

"But what?" he queried. Of all the scenarios he had planned and anticipated for, this was not it. He had to know what he had missed, what had he failed to account for.

"Never mind, just leave me alone." She hastily unlocked the door and in a series of quick movements entered her home and quickly slammed the door shut on Dilandau's face. He stood there completely dumbfounded. His mind was still trying to process what had occurred. His brow furrowed and his eyes narrowed. He needed to know who had beat him to the punch; who had broken the witch from the Mystic Moon.

Hitomi locked the door behind her and darted up the stairs to retreat to the sanctuary of her bedroom. She shut the door behind her and fell backwards onto her bed. She could hear heart pounding loudly as the adrenaline pumped through her veins. She brought her hands up to her temples, rubbing them gently. She kept telling herself what just happened had to be a hallucination. She thought about the whole experience logically. There was no way he could be there on Earth, absolutely no way possible. Not to mention the fact he could drive a car with such perfection. _And the way he was dressed_ , she thought to herself, he wasn’t dressed in his normal red and black leather uniform. He had appeared to have traded that in for a well tailored black suit, complete with a red satin tie. _I must be dreaming_ , she told herself.

She closed her eyes and began to take some deep calming breaths. She laid there, focusing on each breath she took, hoping it would lull her so she could drift into a peaceful sleep. As fate would have it, that simply wasn’t in the cards for Hitomi.

"Oi, witch!” Dilandau called from her window. Hitomi scowled at the sound of his voice. “I demand you tell me right now who has already broken your spirit." He had scaled the side of her home with ease and had positioned himself to be sitting on her windowsill. 

Hitomi sat upright, "Don't you have better things to do other than bother me?" she was beginning to lose her patience with him. _Of all the people from Gaea to walk into my life why did it have to be him?!_ Her mind screamed.

"Answer me or-"

"Or what?!” She interrupted him. “You’ll kill me? Alright, go ahead! Do your worst!" She was done with his pestering. She resisted the urge to get up and push him out the window herself. 

Dilandau could feel his blood boil. She had literally ruined everything. All the time he had spent on planning his revenge seemed useless now. He could never get his plan to work. Unless, he thought, she knew his plan all along. She must have used her strange powers to predict his every move. He decided he needed to retreat for the time being. He would need to recoup and concoct a new devious plan. Without another word, he leapt out of the windowsill and departed. A slew of new diabolical plans had already begun to come to mind. _You just wait witch…you're gonna wish you were dead after I'm done with you…_ a sinister grin came to his lips as he sped away in his car from the Kanzaki home.

* * *

The following Monday morning, Hitomi dragged her tired self to school. She had spent the better part of the previous day wallowing in her room. She wasn’t completely convinced that her encounter with the diabolical Dilandau had actually occurred. She had spent the day convincing herself that it was just a hallucination. She had been longing to return to Gaea and her imagined encounter with _him_ was just her subconscious telling her she could never return.

She sat in her homeroom class, only half paying attention to the morning lecture. She couldn’t bring herself to focus long enough to take notes. However, she knew she could count on her friend Yui, who always managed to take detailed and organized notes. She would be sure to ask her later to borrow her notebook. 

Hitomi instead found herself gazing out the window, her mind in a daze. _Why couldn’t it have been Van?_ She wondered. Even if the encounter did actually occur, she was still convinced it wasn’t real, at least she would have slept peacefully. _Van… I need you..._ she sighed quietly as she slumped forward on her desk. _Can he even hear my prayers?_

When the bell chimed for lunch, Hitomi let out a small yawn before reaching for her school bag. She sluggishly pulled out her bento box and made her way to the school roof. As she wasn’t in the same class as her other friends, they had made the plan to meet there to break for lunch. It was usually less busy up there. Hitomi had found she didn’t do so well in large crowds as much anymore. She found it to be overwhelming and too chaotic. Even the confines of her classroom at lunch was too much for her to handle at times. 

When she arrived on the roof, she found a few of her friends already seated around a table in the far corner. Hitomi took a breath and put on a smile. As long as she appeared happy, no one would ask any questions. She had gotten very skilled at masking her feelings the span of a few months. _Just breathe,_ she told herself over and over.

“Hey Hitomi-chan!” one of her friends, Ayaka, called out when she spotted Hitomi.

Hitomi made her way over towards the small group of girls, still donning her forced smile. Quietly she took a seat next to Ayaka and set about opening up her bento box. She casually listened in on her friends conversing about their exciting weekends. Ayaka, noting that Hitomi had been relatively silent, decided to bring her into the conversation, “So Hitomi-chan, what did you get up to on the weekend?”

Hitomi wasn’t expecting to join in, she had been content with just listening. Luckily for her, she had just put a piece of grilled fish into her mouth. As she chewed, she tried to think of how to respond to the question. She couldn’t exactly tell them about her hallucinated encounter with a certain blood-thirsty pyromaniac. That was a whole other can of worms she wasn’t ready to open.

Feeling all their eyes on her, she had to come up with something quick. "I…I just hung around home.” she half lied, “My cousins came to visit. Nothing all that special really." She looked around her small circle of friends, noticing that someone was missing. "Where's Yukari?" she inquired, desperate to get the attention off of herself. 

One of her other friends, Suzume, looked down at her watch. Her brows knitted together as she observed the time. "Hmmm… she should have been here by now.” she announced, “She's showing the new guy from our class around school." 

Something in the back of Hitomi's mind told her to be on guard. She tried to shake off the nagging feeling and maintain her composure. _It’s probably nothing to worry about_ , she told herself. 

"Hitomi!" Yukari had squealed in delight. Hitomi had found herself blinded as Yukari placed her hands over her eyes. She jolted slightly, not expecting her friend to sneak up on her. Although she knew she should have known better, as Yukari always had a tendency to pull such stunts on her. 

"Oi! Yukari!" Hitomi shouted, still startled by the sudden intrusion. Yukari, smiled wide and proceeded to tickle her friend’s sides. She knew it was one of the very few ways she could still get a genuine laugh out of Hitomi. Unlike the rest of their group of friends, Yukari was the only one who was most intune with Hitomi’s feelings. She knew her friend was still suffering with the loss of her family. So she had vowed to bring her friend back.

"Yukari-chan, who was this guy you had to show around?" Yui asked.

Yukari took a seat in the empty chair next to Hitomi. "Ya, is he hot?" Ayaka asked with a suggestive wink. Yukari giggled as she took out her lunch, which was always a feast for the eyes. 

"You'll just have to wait and see for yourselves." Yukari paused and looked towards the door to the stairwell. He had told her to go on ahead, that he would meet her up there. "Oh, speaking of which, there he is!" Her smile grew the closer he got. 

“Oooo he is handsome! Yukari you were holding out!” Yui declared as she spotted the new boy. 

Hitomi looked over her shoulder to see what all the fuss was about. She felt her jaw drop open at the very sight. Her emerald eyes widened in both shock and fear. "It wasn't a dream…" she muttered under breath. Yukari’s eyes darted to her friend as she faintly picked up on her comment. A look of confusion formed on her face, _an old acquaintance perhaps?_ She could only guess. 

"Oh, you know him?" she inquired, hoping for more details.

A devious grin graced Dilandau’s lips as he approached the group of girls. "Well, well, well,” he spoke in a coy tone, “It's a pleasure to see you once again, Hi-to-mi." he put an emphasis on each syllable of her name. 

Hitomi closed her eyes, standing up suddenly. "I've lost my appetite." she said in a quiet voice. She wasn’t having it today, and she wasn’t about to create a scene in front of her friends. She didn’t even know where to begin with explaining how she knew him. The best thing she could do was to walk away.

“Leaving so soon, Hitomi? But I've only just gotten here." Dilandau queried, his lips still curled in a smirk. Hitomi refused to say another word. Instead she needed to just walk away from the situation. Yukari watched with great interest. _How does Hitomi know him?_ Yukari wondered. Perhaps he was a secret ex-boyfriend. Her brows knitted together. She would get to the bottom of it, she vowed.

* * *

In the following days, Hitomi did everything she could to avoid any sort of run-ins with the silver haired demon. When she encountered him in the main entryway while changing her shoes, she made quick work to get away. While walking through the hallways, she would turn on a dime and bolt in the opposite direction upon laying her eyes on him. Even the sanctuary of lunchtime with her friends was not immune to his presence. _Of all people, why is it him!?_ She demanded of the heavens. Anyone else would have been preferable, even Merle or Millerna would have been more tolerable.

Although she had been relatively successful in avoiding Dilandau for the sake of her mental well being, it had resulted in her avoiding her small circle of friends. This of course was all a part of Dilandau’s new plot for revenge. He had been able to successfully infiltrate the moon witch’s inner circle with much ease that it was almost laughable. He could see how his very presence, and the acceptance of her inner circle was driving her mad. 

The icing on the cake, for Dilandau that is, was when one of Hitomi’s friend’s had begun to show and express a romantic interest in him. He didn’t care for Ayaka in that sense, brushing her feelings aside, but he played his part. If pretending to show affection for the silly girl aided his goal, then so be it. He was willing to do whatever it took to drive a wedge between Hitomi and her friends.

At lunch on the following Friday, Yukari had met up with their friends in their usual spot. It felt wrong that Hitomi wasn’t there, that her friend had been mysteriously evading them. Each day it was a different excuse. Plausible excuses, she reasoned, recalling Hitomi claiming she needed to cram before her next period class or wanting to get started on her homework. But she knew there was something more, something that Hitomi was desperately trying to hide. 

"Yukari-chan, what's wrong?” Yui asked while waving her hand in front of Yukari’s face, snapping her out of her daze. “You seem distracted." Yukari shook her head as she was pulled out of her train of thought. 

"Oh…” she sat leaned backward in her seat, “Well… I’m just trying to figure out Hitomi…” she paused, trying to figure out her thoughts, “She’s just seemed very adamant on avoiding Di-kun. Whenever I bring him up, she changes the subject instantly. I don’t get it..."

"Oh…I see…” Yui responded. She hadn’t been friends with Hitomi as long as Yukari had been, so she had been more oblivious. She pursed her lips, pondering on the new information she had been given. “Maybe…” she began, leaning forward on the table and gesturing for the other girls to do the same, “Maybe Hitomi secretly has a thing Dilandau." 

Yukari raised an eyebrow and gestured for Yui to continue with her theory. "It's so obvious really. She's probably just afraid of getting into a relationship. Remember when Amano-senpai came back a few months ago and she just completely ignored him?" Yukari nodded and her friend continued. "She used to be all head over heels obsessed with him before he left. Now why on earth would she ignore him and act like he didn’t even exist? The answer is she was afraid of losing him." 

In a strange way it had made sense to Yukari. Ever since their senpai had left for America, Hitomi had become withdrawn, particularly in terms of romantic interests in months following his departure. Maybe it was just as simple as her friend being afraid of having her heart broken again. She could relate to Hitomi’s predicament. She too had developed feelings for Amano, but she put her own feelings aside knowing full well how Hitomi felt. She wasn’t going to let feelings for a boy ruin their years of friendship. _Maybe she is just afraid of falling in love again…_

"You know what Yui-chan, I think you might be right." A sly grin came to Yukari's lips. She needed to get Hitomi out of her romantic rut. A boy would be a good distraction for her. Her mind was already at work concocting a devious plan to get the two together. It was done all the time in tv dramas and movies, it couldn’t be too difficult to pull off in real life, she had reasoned. A romantic distraction is just what her friend needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I am on a roll! I am loving this rewrite! Honestly it has been so much fun getting into the heads of all the characters. I regret rushing through this story when I originally wrote it. I’ve also been trying to be more culturally accurate. I didn’t know at the time just how drastically different japanese schools were compared to typical schools in north america. So I’ve been making efforts to correct those errors. So this has also been an educational experience for me. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed. Don’t know when the next chapter will be ready. Maybe in a few days? *shrugs*


	4. Move Along

_ Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking _

_ When you fall, everyone stands _

_ Another day, and you've had your fill of sinking _

_ With the life held in your _

_ Hands are shaking cold _

_ These hands are meant to hold _

_ Speak to me _

_ When all you got to keep is strong _

_ Move along, move along like I know you do _

_ And even when your hope is gone _

_ Move along, move along just to make it through _

_ Move along _

_ Move along _

_ So a day when you've lost yourself completely _

_ Could be a night when your life ends _

_ Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving _

_ All the pain held in your _

_ Hands are shaking cold _

_ Your hands are mine to hold _

_ Speak to me _

_ When all you got to keep is strong _

_ Move along, move along like I know you do _

_ And even when your hope is gone _

_ Move along, move along just to make it through _

_ Move along _

_ (Go on, go on, go on, go on) _

_ When everything is wrong, we move along _

_ (Go on, go on, go on, go on) _

_ When everything is wrong, we move along _

_ Along, along, along, along _

_ When all you got to keep is strong _

_ Move along, move along like I know you do _

_ And even when your hope is gone _

_ Move along, move along just to make it through _

_ When all you got to keep is strong _

_ Move along, move along like I know you do _

_ And even when your hope is gone _

_ Move along, move along just to make it through _

_ When all you got to keep is strong _

_ Move along, move along like I know you do (Know you do) _

_ And even when your hope is gone _

_ Move along, move along just to make it through _

_ (Move along) _

_ (Go on, go on, go on, go on) _

_ Right back what is wrong _

_ We move along _

_ (Go on, go on, go on, go on) _

_ Right back what is wrong _

_ We move along _

_ (Go on, go on, go on, go on) _

_ Right back what is wrong _

_ We move along _

_ (Go on, go on, go on, go on) _

_ Right back what is wrong _

_ We move along _

__

_ By All-American Rejects _

**Chapter 4: Move Along**

It was Monday morning, and Yukari had found herself in a particularly good mood. She had a good feeling about the week ahead. A new week meant all sorts of new possibilities. Her morning was already off to a great start. She hadn’t over slept, managed to catch the earlier train which meant she actually got to sit during her morning commute. Her early arrival however allowed her to bump into an extremely tired and somewhat disheveled Dilandau.

“Oh good morning Di-kun!” She proclaimed with great delight. Dilandau didn’t exactly have the same enthusiasm as her on any given day, but that morning he was exhausted. His shirt had been half tucked in, his tie loosened and his blazer remained unbuttoned. “You might wanna fix yourself up before class,” without waiting for permission, Yukari took it upon herself to at least straighten his tie out.

Startled by her sudden invasion of his personal buble, Dilandau had flailed his arms and stumbled a few steps backwards. “Oi onna!” he shouted at Yukari, who only seemed to giggle at his plight. “I can do that myself. I don’t need some baka onna to do that for me.” he growled.

“Oh Di-kun,” Yuakri said, still giggling away. It irritated Dilandau to no end that everyone on this cursed moon didn’t show him the respect he felt he deserved.  _ Just a while longer, _ he reminded himself. Once he was finished with the moon witch, he wouldn’t need to put up with her pathetic friends. “Wake up on the wrong side of the bed?” She asked jokingly.

He finished tucking his shirt in properly, and began fixing his tie. “What bed,” he muttered under his breath. Yukari still picked up on his answer and shot him a confused look. 

“You don’t have a bed??” she was befuddled. She was aware that he had had his own apartment, but she had assumed he must have had it fully furnished.  _ Unless _ , she thought, he blew all his money on that car of his… I pegged him for being more responsible…

He sighed defeated, he wasn’t planning to divulge the details of his new living arrangements. “I had a bed.” he corrected her. She raised a brow waiting for him to continue. Dilandau paused for a moment, thinking of how to word his current predicament. “A fire broke out in my building over the weekend.” It wasn’t a lie, he told himself. However he neglected to inform her that he was the culprit. He simply couldn’t help himself, once the flame had caught his eye, it ignited a deep, burning desire within him.

“Oh my god Di-kun!” Yukari exclaimed, “You should have said something!” He shrugged his shoulders, not thinking it was any of her business. “So where are you staying now?”

“My car.” Yukari blinked,  _ he’s living in his car? Poor Di-kun… _ As she thought about his sad new living arrangements, a brilliant idea came to her.  _ Oh this is perfect! _ She thought with delight, grinning from ear to ear. Dilandau noticed the smile, which only further annoyed him. Was this woman pleased he was now homeless? “Onna...explain yourself.” he growled.

Realising that she was seeming too excited, she recomposed herself. “I think I have an idea.” She began, “I may know a place you can stay until you find a new place. It’s at Hitomi’s. But I’ll have to ask her first.” She brought a finger to her lips, that would be another battle she’d have to win. Although she was confident that she’d get her way, she didn’t want to completely overstep her friend.

Dilandau felt his lip twitch and pull into a sly grin. It seemed that Fate was on his side once again. If he could move in, even if only temporarily, with the moon witch, he would be to better exact his revenge. “That would be perfect, Yukari,” his smile only grew as he thought of all the new ways he could torture the poor girl. 

* * *

After the school bell had chimed for lunch, Hitomi put away her notebook to make room for her bento.  _ I really need to learn how to cook something new _ , she thought to herself as she looked down at her lackluster meal. It was plain rice with grilled fish again. Although it did provide her with nourishment, it was not nearly as exciting to eat. She let out a small sigh, knowing full well that she would not carry through with learning a new recipe anytime soon. She had too much on her plate as it was. This was her final year of high school and she still had no idea what her plan was going to be after graduation next spring. 

That was the least of her worries, she did have to also ensure that she was going to be able to graduate. They were only a few weeks into the new school year and Hitomi had found that she was floundering to keep her grades afloat. She knew she just had to focus better, but with everything going on her life that seemed easier said than done. 

Her gaze drifted from her food to settle on her text book, which she had left open on her desk. She wanted to study, but she couldn’t bring forth enough motivation to actually go through with it.  _ It really shouldn’t be this hard _ , she told herself,  _ I’ve been doing this for years now! _ She slumped forward onto her desk in defeat, being sure not to accidentally knock her food over. 

Her thoughts slowly drifted back to Gaea. Oh how so many of her problems would have been solved had she just stayed. She would have still mourned the loss of her family, but at least she would have been ignorant of their grim end. She would have lived out her days blissfully unaware that they had all died in that tragic accident. Most importantly, she would have been still with him, still with Van. She longed to feel herself wrapped in his warm embrace, to run her delicate fingers through his untamable raven black hair, and to fill her herself with his scent. Gaea could have been her home, and she woefully regretted her decision. Fate was a cruel mistress.

“Hitomi!!” Yukari shouted from the doorway to the classroom. Hitomi, startled, looked toward the source. There stood her friend, smiling and waving for her to come over. Hitomi looked at her food deciding she was done, and closed up her box. “C’mon Hitomi,” Yukari said, trying to hurry her friend. 

Hitomi sighed, slowly making her way to the door. “What’s up?” She asked flatly.

“What’s up? Is that all I get?” Yukari asked, feeling a little hurt. “You’ve been ditching us at lunch for the past week! A hello would have been nice.” She crossed her arms in an over exaggerated manner, pretending to be more hurt than she truly was.

“Sorry, Yukari,” Hitomi apologized quietly. Yukari blinked in surprise, not expecting her friend to take her so seriously. 

“It’s fine, really,” she tried to reassure her, “But I need to talk to you about something in private.” Hitom shot her a quizzical look. Without hesitation, Yukari grabbed her friend by the arm and led her to one of the empty classrooms. 

“Yukari-”

“I have a huge favour to ask of you!” Yukari blurted out. “And before you say anything, please just hear me out, okay?” She bowed low, and held her hands together as if she were praying. Curious, Hitomi told her friend to go ahead with her request. After she recomposed herself, Yukari went ahead with her pitch. “Doesn’t it get lonely in that big home of yours?” she opened. Hitomi didn’t say anything but nodded sadly. As much as she hated to admit, the silence did get to her at times. “I might have a solution to that…” Yukari trailed off, trying to gauge her friend’s reaction.

Hitomi’s brows knitted together, trying to figure out just what her friend was going to suggest. “Is everything okay at home?” she queried, genuinely worried for her friend. “Are your parents kicking you out?” Yukari laughed and reassured her that her homelife was fine. Although her parents had threatened to kick hier out in the past, but that was when her grades had begun to slip during track and field season the previous year. 

“No, no, no, I’m fine. But I have a  _ friend _ who’s suddenly become homeless.” She paused, “I mean, I’d let them stay at my place but you know how my parents are.” she laughed nervously. 

Hitomi felt her eye begin to twitch. She had made a mental note that Yukari had been purposely leaving out this particular  _ friend’s _ name. “Yukari, who is this  _ friend _ exactly…” she knew the moment she had asked, she would regret knowing the answer.

“Oh it’s just Di-kun” Yukari answered, smiling wildly.

“Di-kun??” Hitomi repeated. She was genuinely confused until it dawned on her who Yukari had meant. “Oh no! No! No! No!” She exclaimed. It had to be the silvered hair demon, there was no one else she could think of that Yukari would have given such a nickname to.

“Oh c’mon Hitomi-chan!” She begged. “He just needs somewhere to stay until he can find a new place. The poor guy has been sleeping in his car.”

“Then he can continue to do that until he finds a new home!” she rebuked. “Knowing him, he probably deserved to get evicted.” Hitomi crossed her arms, she was firm in her decision. There would be no way she would allow that monster to live under the same roof as her.

“He didn’t get evicted,” Yukari interjected. “There was a fire at his building. The whole place has been condemned.” She gave Hitomi her best pleading look. “It would probably only be for a week, just until he can find a new place.” Hitomi shook her head, determined to stand by her decision. “C’mon, hitomi-chan, have a heart-”

“You don’t know him like I do!” Hitomi blurted out. She quickly bit her lip, regretting she uttered the words. “What I mean is, I knew him once before… and he wasn’t the nicest person…” she knew she couldn’t go into full details. That would be too long of a story to tell. 

“Look, whatever your past is with him it’s just that. It’s all in the past.” Yukari tried to reason, “I think more than anything he’s just a little misunderstood. It must have been hard for him growing up with his condition.” Hitomi raised a brow.  _ I didn’t realize being a psychotic pyromaniac was a “condition” _ , she thought sarcastically. 

Yukari noticed her friend’s perplexed look and continued to explain. “His albinism. He told us how he was often excluded from groups, sports and clubs. The other kids were scared because of the way he looked.” Hitomi rolled her eyes, of course the clever demon had concocted some sob story to win over her friends’ affections. “Have some pity on him, please Hitomi-chan.” Yukari gently grasped Hitomi’s hands, and bowed deeply.

Hitomi felt torn. She had already said no, but she was running out of legitimate excuses. “Yukari...I…” she paused, thinking carefully about what to say. Would it really be so bad? She wondered. It’s not like he would actually do anything to physically harm her. Mentally harm her, most definitely. His very presence would be enough to push her deeper into the dark void in her mind.  _ If it’s only a week...I could probably hold out that long… _ She looked down at her friend who was patiently awaiting an answer. 

Sighing in defeat, Hitomi relented to answer, “Fine.” she said flatly. “But I’m holding you solely responsible! If he does anything it’s on you.” Yukari beamed with delight.

“Trust me Hitomi-chan, you won't regret this!” Hitomi rolled her eyes,  _ we’ll see about that… _ she thought bitterly.

* * *

After classes had ended for the day, Hitomi decided she needed to go for a run. She changed out of her school uniform and into her pt clothes. It had been months since she had laced up her shoes and hit the track. 

As she approached the track, which encircled the sports field, she was pleased to find it empty. Before getting set up on the track itself, Hitomi popped in her wireless earbuds and turned on some music to help clear her mind.

Taking a deep calming breath, Hitomi crouched down to get in her starting position.  _ Three, two, one, go! _ She burst forward with an explosion of energy. With each stride she took, she felt a sense of relief and calm. Nothing could bother her there. She was in her element. This was her way of mediating away her worries. She focused on her strides, keeping a good and steady pace. 

From a distance, Yukari had caught sight of her friend racing around the track. A small smile came to her lips. She felt relieved to see Hitomi back on the track. She had worried that her friend would give up on the track team this year. Given all Hitomi had to deal with since the previous December, she thought for sure she would have dropped out. 

She debated with herself whether to go down to the track and watch, but decided against it. Hitomi needed that time alone, she told herself. Instead she continued on her way to the rail station, making her way home.

Time didn’t seem to exist to Hitomi when she was on the track. She hadn’t bothered to keep track of how many laps she had run either, but eventually slowed to a stop after what she guessed an hour had passed. Her legs were barely able to sustain her weight. She collapsed to the ground as her knees gave out.  _ Guess I shouldn't have tried to push myself so hard… _ she thought to herself. But it had felt good, she felt free once again. She inhaled deeply and summoned all her strength to stand up. Come on legs, let's get home.

The walk to the station felt excruciating long, however it would pay off. Since she would be catching a later train, it meant she wouldn’t be stuck standing for the duration of the ride. With rush hour being long since over, the train was more or less empty. 

She longed to be home, to draw herself a nice steamy bath to relax in. For the first time in a long time she actually felt in high spirits. She had desperately needed that run. Her spirit felt so much lighter. She didn’t feel the heavy burden of her grief.

However all good things must come to an end. Fate could be all too cruel. And it did just that. As Hitomi rounded the corner, approaching her home she noticed something was amiss. There was a vehicle in her driveway. She felt her stomach sink as she came to realize whom it belonged to. 

Hesitantly she walked up the steps to her home. And there he was, the red eyed, silver haired demon. He was still wearing their school uniform, less his blazer which he draped over the cardboard box that was set next to him. He looked up at her, his face clearly displaying his annoyance. “Took you long enough to show up.” he growled.

Hitomi was at a loss for words. She wasn’t expecting him to show up so suddenly. She figured she would have had at least a few days to prepare. She still would need time to set up the guest room. She refused to have him use her parents’ or brother’s bedrooms. They would remain strictly off limits.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware you’d be coming today,” She answered as she pulled out her house keys. “Do you mind? You’re in my way.” she huffed, trying to step around him.  _ Guess I won't be having that bath anytime soon _ , she sighed as she unlocked her home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So this chapter ended up being a complete rewrite. I basically trashed the whole original script. I realized the previous rendition of this chapter was highly cringe-worthy and just didn’t feel right. The next few chapters may take a while longer to get completed. I'm trying to work on my timeline of events, and that’s proving to be a bit difficult. I have a lot of research to do. Any ways, hope everyone is enjoying this fic so far!


	5. Only Happy When it Rains

_ I'm only happy when it rains _

_ I'm only happy when it's complicated _

_ And though I know you can't appreciate it _

_ I'm only happy when it rains _

__

_ You know I love it when the news is bad _

_ And why it feels so good to feel so sad _

_ I'm only happy when it rains _

__

_ Pour your misery down, pour your misery down on me _

_ Pour your misery down, pour your misery down on me _

__

_ I'm only happy when it rains _

_ I feel good when things are going wrong _

_ I only listen to the sad, sad songs _

_ I'm only happy when it rains _

__

_ I only smile in the dark _

_ My only comfort is the night gone black _

_ I didn't accidentally tell you that _

_ I'm only happy when it rains _

__

_ You'll get the message by the time I'm through _

_ When I complain about me and you _

_ I'm only happy when it rains _

__

_ Pour your misery down (Pour your misery down) _

_ Pour your misery down on me (Pour your misery down) _

_ Pour your misery down (Pour your misery down) _

_ Pour your misery down on me (Pour your misery down) _

_ Pour your misery down (Pour your misery down) _

_ Pour your misery down on me (Pour your misery down) _

_ Pour your misery down _

__

_ You can keep me company _

_ As long as you don't care _

__

_ I'm only happy when it rains _

_ You wanna hear about my new obsession? _

_ I'm riding high upon a deep depression _

_ I'm only happy when it rains (Pour some misery down on me) _

__

_ I'm only happy when it rains (Pour some misery down on me) _

_ I'm only happy when it rains (Pour some misery down on me) _

_ I'm only happy when it rains (Pour some misery down on me) _

_ I'm only happy when it rains (Pour some misery down on me). _

_ By Garbage _

**Chapter 5: Only Happy When It Rains**

The week seemed to endlessly drag on for Hitomi. She wasn’t keen on her new roommate, the ever deplorable Dilandau. She didn’t understand how someone with so little personal possessions was able to make such a mess. He left his clothes all over the home, not bothering to change his shoes half the time, which in turn tracked in dirt from the outside. 

Since she also refused to prepare meals for him, he often resorted to ordering in food and he had this irritating habit of not cleaning up his fast food wrappers. Despite all appearances, Dilandau was not oblivious to what sort of affect his actions were having on Hitomi. They were performed completely on purpose. It was all a part of his devious plan to make her life miserable. He was taking great pleasure in watching her spirit slowly break piece by piece.

By the week’s end, Hitomi was beyond exhausted. The mental strength she needed to muster to put up with her unwanted roommate had worn her down significantly. Her only escape was to run, so she did just that. Every morning she woke up early to head to school, to meet up with some of the other members of the Athletic club to get some running in before class. But a morning run wasn’t enough for her, she stayed behind after the final bell to run some more. Dilandau couldn’t understand her strange fascination with running in circles around the track. He couldn’t see what type of satisfaction it could provide. 

Saturday morning had rolled around and the Kanzaki home was shrouded in silence. Dilandau was peacefully asleep, exhausted from staying into the wee hours of the morning playing video games with some friends online. His fits of rage echoed through the home, waking Hitomi numerous times through the night. 

Hitomi eventually stirred from her slumber to the sound of her phone buzzing on her desk. Groggily she sat upright, looking towards the noise in a daze. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes, wondering what time it must have been. She felt as though she had hardly slept the whole night. Her eyes came to settle in her alarm clock next to her bed which had read eight o’clock on the dot. Her eyes widened and she let out a panicked scream. She had overslept! How had she missed her alarm? 

Upon picking up the clock she noticed someone had flipped the alarm switch off. There was only one culprit that came to mind, “DILANDAU!!!” She shouted, fully enraged. In her fit of anger, she scrambled to get dressed. She was going to be late for track practice. 

She ran around her home, desperately gathering her things into her duffle bag. “Dilandau!!” She shouted his name, cursing him to hell and back. Glancing at the time, she noticed she could spare a moment to wake the still sleeping demon. She stormed up the stairs and burst into his room. There he laid, still fast asleep. Her shouting hadn’t even registered to his ear. She walked over to the futon, deciding she had had enough. She didn’t care about the consequences, she was livid. She forcefully nudged him awake with her foot.

“Don’t you ever go into my room again!” Hitomi fumed at the still half asleep Dilandau. “You might not be in any clubs, but I am! And I am late for practice!” Dilandau yawned, not really caring for her plight.

“If you’re so late, then why are you bothering me?” He asked slyly. 

Hitomi let out a scream in frustration. “Just stay out of my room! You hear me!” She shouted as she stormed out of his room and out of her home. Glancing quickly at her watch, she determined she could still catch the next train if she sprinted. She let out a defeated sigh, it’s not how she wanted to start her morning. 

* * *

Yukari stood waiting ever patiently for all the members of the Athletic club to arrive. Being a third year, she was now the head manager for the team. With that came even more responsibilities. She pulled her phone out of her pocket, noting still no text from Hitomi. Her brows furrowed together,  _ where is she?? _ She wondered, thinking perhaps Hitomi had changed her mind about staying on the team. 

“Yukari!!” Hitomi shouted as she ran at top speed and leapt down the hill towards the track. “I’m so sorry!!” She bowed forward, not out of respect, but because she was completely out of breath. Yukari raised a brow, she was both impressed and irritated. 

“You know you’re supposed to save the running for the track, not the commute here.” She was more or less irritated because judging by Hitomi’s disheveled appearance, she had exerted herself a great deal already. “Go sit down, have some water and relax.” She turned to her junior managers, “Go ahead and get started with the first years’ time trials.”

Yukari turned her attention back to Hitomi, taking a seat next to her on the bleachers. “Wanna talk about it?” 

Hitomi, having just guzzled down most of her water, took a deep breath. All her sprinting had certainly caught up to her. She sighed and slumped forward. “I overslept…” She began, “But not on purpose!” she added. “Dilandau turned off my alarm.” she spat his name out in disgust.

“Are you sure you didn’t accidentally forget to set it?” Hitomi dramatically rolled her eyes.

“Oh please, have a little more faith in me…” Hitomi grumbled. 

* * *

After track practice had concluded, Yukari offered to walk with her to the rail station. Hitomi politely declined, instead opting to take an extended shower in the girls’ locker room. She wasn’t in a hurry to get home. It was no longer her sanctuary. She had tried to explain to Yukari how terrible it was to have Dilandau living under the same roof, but her friend brushed it off figuring Hitomi was just being overdramatic.

As she showered off, Hitomi reflected on her past choices. She had wished she had just told Yukari about her experience on Gaea. But she risked being ostracized or potentially committed to a psychiatric hospital. Although so much time had passed while she was there, upon her return it was like she had never left. She had woken up on the school track with Amano and Yukari hovering over her. It was the same night she had been whisked away to Gaea with Van. However, instead of running into the soon-to-be king, Hitomi had simply fainted. 

For a time, Hitomi had wondered if it had all been a dream. It wasn’t until she noticed her pendant missing that she knew for sure. She was certain that Gaea had indeed existed. Fate was cruel, she had determined. She was gifted with the memories of that fantastical world but she couldn’t share her tales with anyone. 

Oddly enough, it had been Dilandau’s sudden intrusion in her life that had sparked a new hope for Hitomi. If Dilandau was real, then Gaea had to exist. Which meant Van was real. Her friends there were all very real. And if he could make it here to Earth, then there had to be a way for her to get to Gaea. 

She had tried in the past to replicate the events that led her to that magical world. She studied the alignment of the planets and the stars, theorizing that maybe they had something to do with summoning the pillar of light. Every night she forecasted as being ideal, always resulted in her being disappointed. Even her tarot cards had failed her. No matter how many times she had asked, they refused to give her the answer she longed for. It had been almost a full year since she had tossed her cards away in a box, lost somewhere in her closet.

* * *

It was well into the evening when Hitomi finally arrived at her home. She had taken a detour to help clear her mind. She needed to figure out how to return to Gaea. There was nothing tying her to Earth anymore. Although she had a small group of friends, they didn’t fill the void of her heart and soul. She was alone. She didn’t even have a plan for her future! She didn’t care about getting into university, she simply went through the motions. She was only mimicking her friends and classmates with their aspirations. She didn’t want to keep lying to them or herself.  _ I need to get back to Gaea… _ she vowed she would find a way. One way or another she would get back there.

After she had changed out of her shoes and put on her slippers, she was ready to lay down the law. She had put up with enough of Dilandau’s lack of respect for her home and her personal space. She was putting her foot down. 

With all the determination she could muster, Hitomi barged into Dilandau’s bedroom. He was seated on the floor, enthralled in some video game. Judging from his appearance, Hitomi figured he hadn’t even bothered to change into clean clothes. He was only wearing what she guessed were his boxers and a black, tight fitting tank top that clung to his well defined physique. “Hey!” She shouted, trying to get his attention. However he couldn’t hear her through his noise cancelling headset.

Hitomi clenched her hands into fists, irritated that he had probably spent his entire day lounging around playing that stupid game. Spotting the powerbar that his gaming console was plugged into, she made her way over and flipped the master power switch off.

“What the fuck!?” Dilandau shouted. He was especially angry as he was close to leveling up his character. He just needed to finish off one more boss. “Onna! What is your problem!?” He demanded, slamming his controller down.

Hitomi stood her ground. The duration of her commute home she has thought long and hard about her new house rules. Now it was time to deliver and she wasn’t about to take no for an answer. “As long as you’re living in my house you will abide by my rules!” she said firmly. “Rule number one: you are to never, EVER, go into my room!” She held up a finger, as she planned to count out each rule, “Rule number two: you do not bring home any guests with first running it past me. Rule number three: you will clean up after yourself. I am not your housemaid. And as long as you’re here you will contribute to the house chores.” 

She felt good about herself. She had got out all she wanted to say without faltering. She had worried her emotions would have gotten the best of her, but she reminded herself she had to act tough. It also helped that with him sitting on the floor, she felt like she could be more intimidating. 

However, while she may have been satisfied with her performance, Dilandau most certainly was not. Clearly annoyed and unimpressed, Dilandau rose to his feet. He strode over to Hitomi so that he could look down on her. “Oh really? Rules eh?” he spoke, his annoyance only increasing. He continued to close the distance between them, forcing Hitomi to back herself up against the wall. “And why if I don’t want to obey your rules huh? What are you going to do about it?” He slammed his hand against the wall by her head. 

Hitomi felt her heart race. Was he actually going to harm her? Had she completely miscalculated him?  _ He wouldn’t dare….or would he?? _ She parted her lips, but no words came out. Dilandau smirked, “That's what I thought, onna.” He removed his hand from the wall, “I’ll do as I please. Now get out.” without saying a word, Hitomi scurried out and fled to the safety of her room.

She closed the door behind herself, leaning against it before slumping down onto the floor. Her confidence had been completely wiped out by him.  _ I’m so weak… _ she thought to herself, feeling her tears begin to well up in her eyes. “Van…” she whispered his name like a prayer. “Please Van… if you can hear me… I need you… please save me from this…” she clasped her hands together, praying with all her might. 

What Hitomi didn’t know was that Dilandau had been on the other side of the door. He wanted to relish in her misery. He admitted, he was impressed that she tried to be intimidating but she was just a weak girl. He could break her so easily. _ She still thinks that pathetic king is going to save her? _ He scoffed at the very notion. If she only knew the truth, he thought to himself. As he made his way back to his room an interesting idea popped into his devious head.  _ Oh yes… _ he thought sinisterly while stroking his cheek,  _ that would completely break her… _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter was a little bit of a challenge to write. Again, I basically scrapped my original draft. It was so devoid of emotion. And again, not really accurate for a typical high school student in Japan. One big change I have made to this fic in general is I didn’t have Hitomi quit her running. I don’t know why I made that choice before and I regret it. By keeping her in track & field it opens up a lot more possibilities. And let's be frank, would Hitomi really give up on her running? I think even at her most depressed, I think it would be one thing she’d still cling onto. I suppose I was just ignorant of being depressed actually affects people and it’s not a one shoe fits all mental illness. With age comes wisdom or something.
> 
> Any ways, hope you’re still enjoying the fic. I have a lot planning to do for the next couple chapters. They’re going to be completely dismantled and reworked. 
> 
> If you have any comments, questions or want to give any feedback, please don’t hesitate to let me know :)


End file.
